Active Parenting - Parenting tips for molding the next generation.
Being a parent is the most wonderful experience in the world but at times it can prove to be the most challenging as well. No matter how much you prepare and anticipate there will be many situations that will take you by surprise.What is Active Parenting?Parenting takes a lot of energy, and this is why the matter of active parenting is so truly crucial. Active parenting involves helping your children to learn survival and life skills, and although there are many skills that are involved in the raising of family, there are several factors in particular that are especially important,
In conclusion, parenting is not an easy role to play. As a parent, you have a part in molding the next generation. Whether your children will be a useful person in the society or not will be up to you.
Here are some parenting tips for all : For to be parents, For already a parent, For parents who wants to know their children better.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Dyslexia: Is the Shoe Perhaps on the Wrong Foot?
Dyslexia: Is the Shoe Perhaps on the Wrong Foot?
Reading is the most important skill that a child must acquire at school, because one must learn to read to be able to read to learn. The implication of this is that the child who is a poor reader will usually also be a poor learner.
Unfortunately poor reading skills, and therefore poor learning skills, have become a reality for an alarming number of people. The $14 million National Adult Literacy Survey of 1993 found that even though most adults in this survey had finished high school, 96% of them could not read, write, and figure well enough to go to college. Even more to the point, 25% were plainly unable to read.
Even more alarming is that reading difficulties are not limited to people who are environmentally, culturally or economically disadvantaged. Many children come from good homes, go to good schools and score average to above average on IQ tests. Yet, they battle to learn to read, and many never succeed.
Children with reading difficulties share a number of common symptoms. They are inclined to reverse letters or words, to omit letters, to lose their place, to remember little of what they have read, or to read with poor comprehension. These children are considered to suffer from a learning disability (LD), commonly called dyslexia.
According to the Orton Dyslexia Society at least one in every ten of otherwise able people has serious dyslexia problems. The Foundation of Children with Learning Disabilities states that learning-disabled children represent more than ten million of the total population of the U.S.A. Estimates of learning-disabled students being dyslexic vary between 70 and 80 percent.
FIND THE CAUSE TO FIND A CURE
Most problems can only be solved if one knows what causes the problem. A disease such as scurvy claimed the lives of thousands of seamen during long sea voyages. The disease was cured fairly quickly once the cause was discovered, viz. a Vitamin C deficiency. A viable point of departure in LD research would therefore be to ask the question, “What is the CAUSE of dyslexia?”
The idea that dyslexia is a certifiable biological disorder, a physical problem that could be diagnosed and treated accordingly, gained credence during the 1960s and 1970s, giving rise to an armada of theories. One such a theory states that dyslexia is the result when the link between the language, hearing and comprehension centers of the brain is somehow misconfigured during fetal development. Another theory states that dyslexia is caused by “faulty wiring in the brain,” whereas another holds that a subtle impairment of vision may be responsible, while yet another believes that a cerebellar-vestibular dysfunction may be responsible for the learning disability. All these theories – most of them blaming some difference in structure between the brain of the dyslexic and that of the so-called normal reader – have lead to nothing at all. Despite all these theories and all the intervention efforts based on them, not to mention the vast amounts of money expended in the process, the numbers of dyslexics continue to escalate.
Except for the fact that proof of a neurological deficit still eludes the researchers, this theory leaves many questions unanswered. If dyslexia has a neurological basis, why is this supposedly non-contagious “ailment” on the increase? Compare the present situation with, for example, that of a century ago. In 1910 the literacy rate in the U.S.A. was so high it was predicted, “the public schools will in a short time practically eliminate illiteracy.” In 1935, a survey of the 375,000 men working in the Civilian Conservation Corps – a government-sponsored work project to provide employment – found an illiteracy rate of 1.9 percent. It is most noteworthy that this last figure was found among men primarily of low socio-economic status. It is even more noteworthy that the illiteracy rates of the first half of the twentieth century reflected, for the most part, people who had never had the advantage of schooling.
It is also impossible to explain how a neurological dysfunction can be more prevalent in specific areas or countries. While the National Commission on Excellence in 1983 warned that the American nation was “at risk,” remedial reading facilities were not needed at all in Japan due to the rarity of reading problems. Some would argue that reading problems were virtually nonexistent in Japan because their written language is easier than our Latin alphabet. That, however, is simply not true. The Japanese Kanji ideograms consist of 1,850 characters. In addition there are two Kana syllabaries, which – like our Latin alphabet – use symbols to represent sounds. Each Kana syllabary has 46 basic letters compared to our 26.
DIFFERENCES IN BRAIN STRUCTURE NOT THE EQUIVALENT OF A NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER
It is also important to note that differences in brain structures do not necessarily equal brain disorders. Differences between dyslexics’ brains and those of normal readers are not necessarily the cause of a reading difficulty. Such differences can well be the EFFECT of a learning difficulty.
Latest neurological findings – for example through the work of Michael Merzenich of the University of San Francisco – show that, while certain areas of the brain are designated for specific purposes, brain cells and cortical maps do change in response to learning. An interesting study in London has found that an area of the brain associated with navigation was larger in London’s famed taxi drivers than in other people. The drivers’ brains have adapted to help them store a detailed mental map of the city, shrinking in one area to allow growth in another.
The tendency over the past nearly a century has been to try and fit the dyslexia shoe on the foot of the children who fail to learn to read. All efforts to make this shoe fit have failed. If a shoe does not fit one foot, shouldn’t we try it on the other foot?
PUTTING THE SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT
When a person fails to learn something, there are at least two possible reasons why he failed. The first is that there may be something wrong with the person. The second is that there may be something wrong with the way in which he was taught. Unfortunately most people have so far jumped to the very hasty conclusion that, when the otherwise normal child fails to learn to read, it must be the first possibility that applies.
When teaching, it is imperative to take note of the fact that learning is a stratified process. One step needs to be mastered well enough before subsequent steps can be learned. This means that there is a sequence involved in learning. It is like climbing a ladder; if you miss one of the rungs of the ladder, you will fall off. If you miss out on one of the important steps in the learning process, you will not be able to master subsequent steps.
A simple and practical example of this is the fact that one has to learn to count before it becomes possible to learn to add and subtract. If one tried to teach a child to add and subtract before he had been taught to count, one would quickly discover that no amount of effort would ever succeed in teaching the child these skills. Conceivably people who abide by the learning disabilities idea would then conclude that the child suffered from a neurological dysfunction, or from “dyscalculia,” overlooking that the ability to count must be acquired FIRST, BEFORE it becomes possible to learn to add and subtract.
This principle is also of great importance on the sports field. If we go to a soccer field to watch a soccer coach at work, we shall soon find that he spends much time drilling his players on basic skills, like heading, passing, dribbling, kicking, etc. The players who are most proficient at these basic skills usually turn out to be the best players in the actual game situation.
In the same way, there are also certain skills and knowledge that a child must acquire FIRST, BEFORE it becomes possible for him to become a good reader. Basic skills like concentration, visual discrimination, accurate perception and memorizing, skills of association, auditory memory and lateral interpretation are all functions that form the foundation of good reading and spelling. Until a child has mastered these basic skills first, reading will remain a closed – or at most half-open – book to him.
Teaching these basic skills used to form part of the educational system for many centuries, but have since been removed from Western education by “innovative” educators such as John Dewey and his cohorts. In this way the epidemic that is now called “dyslexia” was created.
Already in 1974, in “Reading Teacher,” Bateman suggested that the term “learning disabilities” be replaced by “teaching disabilities.” The focus, he said, should be on the inadequate skills of the adults who are supposed to teach the children, instead of blaming the children of mysterious brain dysfunctions. In 1987 Dr. Thomas Armstrong coined the word “dysteachia” to refer to children suffering from “pedagogical illness” or inappropriate teaching strategies.
Perhaps it is time that we investigate the possibility that Bateman and Armstrong may have been correct when they said that the shoe was on the wrong foot.
Reading is the most important skill that a child must acquire at school, because one must learn to read to be able to read to learn. The implication of this is that the child who is a poor reader will usually also be a poor learner.
Unfortunately poor reading skills, and therefore poor learning skills, have become a reality for an alarming number of people. The $14 million National Adult Literacy Survey of 1993 found that even though most adults in this survey had finished high school, 96% of them could not read, write, and figure well enough to go to college. Even more to the point, 25% were plainly unable to read.
Even more alarming is that reading difficulties are not limited to people who are environmentally, culturally or economically disadvantaged. Many children come from good homes, go to good schools and score average to above average on IQ tests. Yet, they battle to learn to read, and many never succeed.
Children with reading difficulties share a number of common symptoms. They are inclined to reverse letters or words, to omit letters, to lose their place, to remember little of what they have read, or to read with poor comprehension. These children are considered to suffer from a learning disability (LD), commonly called dyslexia.
According to the Orton Dyslexia Society at least one in every ten of otherwise able people has serious dyslexia problems. The Foundation of Children with Learning Disabilities states that learning-disabled children represent more than ten million of the total population of the U.S.A. Estimates of learning-disabled students being dyslexic vary between 70 and 80 percent.
FIND THE CAUSE TO FIND A CURE
Most problems can only be solved if one knows what causes the problem. A disease such as scurvy claimed the lives of thousands of seamen during long sea voyages. The disease was cured fairly quickly once the cause was discovered, viz. a Vitamin C deficiency. A viable point of departure in LD research would therefore be to ask the question, “What is the CAUSE of dyslexia?”
The idea that dyslexia is a certifiable biological disorder, a physical problem that could be diagnosed and treated accordingly, gained credence during the 1960s and 1970s, giving rise to an armada of theories. One such a theory states that dyslexia is the result when the link between the language, hearing and comprehension centers of the brain is somehow misconfigured during fetal development. Another theory states that dyslexia is caused by “faulty wiring in the brain,” whereas another holds that a subtle impairment of vision may be responsible, while yet another believes that a cerebellar-vestibular dysfunction may be responsible for the learning disability. All these theories – most of them blaming some difference in structure between the brain of the dyslexic and that of the so-called normal reader – have lead to nothing at all. Despite all these theories and all the intervention efforts based on them, not to mention the vast amounts of money expended in the process, the numbers of dyslexics continue to escalate.
Except for the fact that proof of a neurological deficit still eludes the researchers, this theory leaves many questions unanswered. If dyslexia has a neurological basis, why is this supposedly non-contagious “ailment” on the increase? Compare the present situation with, for example, that of a century ago. In 1910 the literacy rate in the U.S.A. was so high it was predicted, “the public schools will in a short time practically eliminate illiteracy.” In 1935, a survey of the 375,000 men working in the Civilian Conservation Corps – a government-sponsored work project to provide employment – found an illiteracy rate of 1.9 percent. It is most noteworthy that this last figure was found among men primarily of low socio-economic status. It is even more noteworthy that the illiteracy rates of the first half of the twentieth century reflected, for the most part, people who had never had the advantage of schooling.
It is also impossible to explain how a neurological dysfunction can be more prevalent in specific areas or countries. While the National Commission on Excellence in 1983 warned that the American nation was “at risk,” remedial reading facilities were not needed at all in Japan due to the rarity of reading problems. Some would argue that reading problems were virtually nonexistent in Japan because their written language is easier than our Latin alphabet. That, however, is simply not true. The Japanese Kanji ideograms consist of 1,850 characters. In addition there are two Kana syllabaries, which – like our Latin alphabet – use symbols to represent sounds. Each Kana syllabary has 46 basic letters compared to our 26.
DIFFERENCES IN BRAIN STRUCTURE NOT THE EQUIVALENT OF A NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER
It is also important to note that differences in brain structures do not necessarily equal brain disorders. Differences between dyslexics’ brains and those of normal readers are not necessarily the cause of a reading difficulty. Such differences can well be the EFFECT of a learning difficulty.
Latest neurological findings – for example through the work of Michael Merzenich of the University of San Francisco – show that, while certain areas of the brain are designated for specific purposes, brain cells and cortical maps do change in response to learning. An interesting study in London has found that an area of the brain associated with navigation was larger in London’s famed taxi drivers than in other people. The drivers’ brains have adapted to help them store a detailed mental map of the city, shrinking in one area to allow growth in another.
The tendency over the past nearly a century has been to try and fit the dyslexia shoe on the foot of the children who fail to learn to read. All efforts to make this shoe fit have failed. If a shoe does not fit one foot, shouldn’t we try it on the other foot?
PUTTING THE SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT
When a person fails to learn something, there are at least two possible reasons why he failed. The first is that there may be something wrong with the person. The second is that there may be something wrong with the way in which he was taught. Unfortunately most people have so far jumped to the very hasty conclusion that, when the otherwise normal child fails to learn to read, it must be the first possibility that applies.
When teaching, it is imperative to take note of the fact that learning is a stratified process. One step needs to be mastered well enough before subsequent steps can be learned. This means that there is a sequence involved in learning. It is like climbing a ladder; if you miss one of the rungs of the ladder, you will fall off. If you miss out on one of the important steps in the learning process, you will not be able to master subsequent steps.
A simple and practical example of this is the fact that one has to learn to count before it becomes possible to learn to add and subtract. If one tried to teach a child to add and subtract before he had been taught to count, one would quickly discover that no amount of effort would ever succeed in teaching the child these skills. Conceivably people who abide by the learning disabilities idea would then conclude that the child suffered from a neurological dysfunction, or from “dyscalculia,” overlooking that the ability to count must be acquired FIRST, BEFORE it becomes possible to learn to add and subtract.
This principle is also of great importance on the sports field. If we go to a soccer field to watch a soccer coach at work, we shall soon find that he spends much time drilling his players on basic skills, like heading, passing, dribbling, kicking, etc. The players who are most proficient at these basic skills usually turn out to be the best players in the actual game situation.
In the same way, there are also certain skills and knowledge that a child must acquire FIRST, BEFORE it becomes possible for him to become a good reader. Basic skills like concentration, visual discrimination, accurate perception and memorizing, skills of association, auditory memory and lateral interpretation are all functions that form the foundation of good reading and spelling. Until a child has mastered these basic skills first, reading will remain a closed – or at most half-open – book to him.
Teaching these basic skills used to form part of the educational system for many centuries, but have since been removed from Western education by “innovative” educators such as John Dewey and his cohorts. In this way the epidemic that is now called “dyslexia” was created.
Already in 1974, in “Reading Teacher,” Bateman suggested that the term “learning disabilities” be replaced by “teaching disabilities.” The focus, he said, should be on the inadequate skills of the adults who are supposed to teach the children, instead of blaming the children of mysterious brain dysfunctions. In 1987 Dr. Thomas Armstrong coined the word “dysteachia” to refer to children suffering from “pedagogical illness” or inappropriate teaching strategies.
Perhaps it is time that we investigate the possibility that Bateman and Armstrong may have been correct when they said that the shoe was on the wrong foot.
Parenting Tips
Parenting Tips --Roots And Wings
I’m sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what is address in this article.
As parents, we pray for our children’s safety, health and happiness. We do everything we know to help make these things happen for them.
At some point in our lives, we developed the principles and values that guide our life decisions. Our parents and/or caregivers certainly had influence over this but not complete determination. Some of us gladly adopted the values of our parents and continue to live by them today. Some of us so completely rejected our parents values that our decisions are determined by doing the exact opposite of what we believe our parents would do.
Most of us, however, are somewhere in the middle---we have accepted some of our parents values and rejected others. This is a normal process of development. As parents, though, we really fight that period in our children’s lives when they are attempting to differentiate themselves from us.
Maybe it is because we fear for their safety in their decision-making. Maybe we can see that they are engaging in unhealthy behavior or heading down a life path that will ultimately lead to unhappiness. Whatever the reason, we get scared if our children’s values differ too much from our own.
What can we, as parents, do? First of all, as we raise our children, we are helping to strengthen their roots. This is the first gift a parent gives their child. How does one strengthen roots? We tend, we nurture, we feed, we cultivate---all to develop strong roots.
Sharing our value system with our children is critical to this process. In sharing values, remember that people pay more attention to what they see, as opposed to what they hear. Therefore, if you are a parent who tells your children it is wrong to smoke while you are taking on your cigarette, know that their interpretation of smoking will likely be different from what you are verbally espousing.
A developmental task of adolescence is separation and individuation. This is the time when children are attempting to separate themselves from their parents to an extent. It can be a very frightening time for parents. What do we do? This is the time for the second parental gift---wings.
We want to give our children gradual “flying” lessons. Children are not ready to go from the total and complete shelter of their parents’ protection to being absolutely out on their own. This must be a gradual process.
Dr. Nancy Buck, in her book Peaceful Parenting, says it best. “We limit freedom for as long as it takes to teach responsible behavior and then we give back the freedom.” We want our children learning the precarious process of making decisions while they are still under our semi-protection.
During the teen years is the perfect time to allow our teens to begin the process of deciding what their own set of values will be. If you have done a good job with the roots and you handle the next part with a minimum of confrontation, then the value process will go relatively smoothly.
Remember, your teen is doing nothing different than you did. The only difference is that you were wrestling with your parents’ values and your teen is wrestling with YOUR values. It has a very different feel to it, but it is the same nonetheless. You may say that your value system works just fine for you and your teen needs to see things the same way you do. However, the reality is that you cannot know what is best for another person, including your children. You are not them. You do not occupy their skin. Only they can truly decide what is best for themselves and then they will have to live with the consequences of their decisions.
When you give your child wings, you need to allow them to do things in their own way even if you are sure a better way exists. You can offer your better way in the form of a suggestion, but then get out of the way and allow your child to make the decision and to manage the consequences that occur because of that decision.
This process helps our children become better decision makers. We talk with our children about all the choices that exist, and then examine the pros and cons of each choice. After that, we must step back and allow our children to make the decision that’s right for them. Then, we can talk to them about how things worked out but never protect them from the consequences of their decisions.
This is where the learning takes place. You are there to support them and help them manage the consequences but don’t intervene on their behalf and also don’t assume that “I told you so” attitude. That does not teach your child anything but not to come to you to talk things over anymore.
I’m sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what is address in this article.
As parents, we pray for our children’s safety, health and happiness. We do everything we know to help make these things happen for them.
At some point in our lives, we developed the principles and values that guide our life decisions. Our parents and/or caregivers certainly had influence over this but not complete determination. Some of us gladly adopted the values of our parents and continue to live by them today. Some of us so completely rejected our parents values that our decisions are determined by doing the exact opposite of what we believe our parents would do.
Most of us, however, are somewhere in the middle---we have accepted some of our parents values and rejected others. This is a normal process of development. As parents, though, we really fight that period in our children’s lives when they are attempting to differentiate themselves from us.
Maybe it is because we fear for their safety in their decision-making. Maybe we can see that they are engaging in unhealthy behavior or heading down a life path that will ultimately lead to unhappiness. Whatever the reason, we get scared if our children’s values differ too much from our own.
What can we, as parents, do? First of all, as we raise our children, we are helping to strengthen their roots. This is the first gift a parent gives their child. How does one strengthen roots? We tend, we nurture, we feed, we cultivate---all to develop strong roots.
Sharing our value system with our children is critical to this process. In sharing values, remember that people pay more attention to what they see, as opposed to what they hear. Therefore, if you are a parent who tells your children it is wrong to smoke while you are taking on your cigarette, know that their interpretation of smoking will likely be different from what you are verbally espousing.
A developmental task of adolescence is separation and individuation. This is the time when children are attempting to separate themselves from their parents to an extent. It can be a very frightening time for parents. What do we do? This is the time for the second parental gift---wings.
We want to give our children gradual “flying” lessons. Children are not ready to go from the total and complete shelter of their parents’ protection to being absolutely out on their own. This must be a gradual process.
Dr. Nancy Buck, in her book Peaceful Parenting, says it best. “We limit freedom for as long as it takes to teach responsible behavior and then we give back the freedom.” We want our children learning the precarious process of making decisions while they are still under our semi-protection.
During the teen years is the perfect time to allow our teens to begin the process of deciding what their own set of values will be. If you have done a good job with the roots and you handle the next part with a minimum of confrontation, then the value process will go relatively smoothly.
Remember, your teen is doing nothing different than you did. The only difference is that you were wrestling with your parents’ values and your teen is wrestling with YOUR values. It has a very different feel to it, but it is the same nonetheless. You may say that your value system works just fine for you and your teen needs to see things the same way you do. However, the reality is that you cannot know what is best for another person, including your children. You are not them. You do not occupy their skin. Only they can truly decide what is best for themselves and then they will have to live with the consequences of their decisions.
When you give your child wings, you need to allow them to do things in their own way even if you are sure a better way exists. You can offer your better way in the form of a suggestion, but then get out of the way and allow your child to make the decision and to manage the consequences that occur because of that decision.
This process helps our children become better decision makers. We talk with our children about all the choices that exist, and then examine the pros and cons of each choice. After that, we must step back and allow our children to make the decision that’s right for them. Then, we can talk to them about how things worked out but never protect them from the consequences of their decisions.
This is where the learning takes place. You are there to support them and help them manage the consequences but don’t intervene on their behalf and also don’t assume that “I told you so” attitude. That does not teach your child anything but not to come to you to talk things over anymore.
For the Love of Mommy
For the Love of Mommy
For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and rewarding experiences that you will have in your life. It can also be a time when you feel lost and out of touch with who you are outside of being a “mommy”. Maintaining an identity outside of your children is vitally important, not just for you, but for your family as well. So here are ten strategies that not only keep you connected with you, but also have the added bonus of being an important life skill to teach your children.
1. Be present
Often when we spend time with our children we are thinking about the things that we should be doing or we multi task and we are not really present with them. Then, when we are not with them, we feel guilty. Make the decision that when you spend time with your child to just be there for them, enjoy them, listen to them, and focus on them 100%. Spending this type of quality time with your child will lessen the guilt and help you focus on other activities with the same 100% attention.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to focus on and enjoy the moment.
2. Take care of yourself
This is a big one for most women since we get so busy caring for others we tend to forget about ourselves. Define what taking care of yourself means to you and develop a schedule to do it. Keep tweaking your schedule until you are actually fitting taking care of yourself into the day. Taking care of yourself helps to replenish your spirit, it helps you to relax, and it helps you to feel good about yourself.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to develop healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
3. Connect with you partner
It is so easy to get wrapped up in the kids and in everyday life that you forget about your relationship with your partner. Connect with your partner as often as you can, make a point to sit down over coffee on a Sunday morning and just talk about anything and everything, but the kids. It can be silly or profound, just make sure you connect with each other as a couple.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to maintain a healthy relationship.
4. Get involved
Get involved in some activity that is only for you. It can be work, volunteering, a class, or a book club. Just get involved in some regular activity where you are not a wife or a mommy, you are just you.
Added Bonus: Encourages your child to participate in outside activities.
5. Have meaningful conversations
Sometimes when you have children your day gets so caught up with “kid stuff” that you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful adult conversation. Have you ever felt frustrated, aggravated and on edge and then gone out to a long dinner with a friend and felt like a new woman at the end of the night? That is why it is important to have meaningful conversations.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to get their needs met by more than one person.
6. Read
Who has time to read? We all do. It doesn’t have to be a long time, and reading is a great way to be intellectually stimulated. It exposes us to different subjects and new ideas, even when it is a light and fluffy read. Staying intellectually stimulated is important because it keeps us in touch with what we find exciting and gets those brain cells snapping.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to seek out and appreciate knowledge.
7. Take time for just you
Make sure you get some quality time just for you. It can be anything you want from spending time with a friend, to getting a manicure, or just being by yourself. Just do something that is only for you, it will fill you up and refresh you. You will feel like a new woman after you are done.
Added Bonus: Encourages your child to be independent.
8. Remember that you have needs too
We have needs, and it is our responsibility to get them met. If you’re feeling frustrated, or unappreciated, instead of walking around feeling angry and misunderstood, figure out a way to get those needs met. Talk about them, ask for support, and be specific. And remember most people can’t read minds so you have to communicate with them to get those needs met.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to effectively meet their own needs.
9. Give yourself permission
Why do we feel like bad mothers for wanting to do something for ourselves? Every woman wants to express an unhappiness about being a mother feels the need to qualify it by saying “Well, of course I love my child more than anything in the world but…”. Of course you do, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be unhappy about the way something is going or how you feel. This is how you feel right now, there is nothing wrong with that, you’re a normal mother. Give yourself permission to feel the way you do and do something for yourself to feel better. Even if that means stepping back from your child for a couple of hours.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to recognize and healthily deal with their emotions.
10. Be a role model
When you ask most parents what they want most for their children they say that they want them to be happy and successful contributing adults. The very best way to ensure that comes true for your child is to be a role model. If you want your child to be confident, get their needs met, be sure of who they are, and happy with their life, just remember that they learn that from you.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to act with integrity.
Being a mother in today’s modern world is tricky business. We are bombarded all day long with messages of what makes a “good mother”. Just forget all that, and be true to you. Being joyful, present, and authentically you is the very best gift you can give to yourself and your child.
For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and rewarding experiences that you will have in your life. It can also be a time when you feel lost and out of touch with who you are outside of being a “mommy”. Maintaining an identity outside of your children is vitally important, not just for you, but for your family as well. So here are ten strategies that not only keep you connected with you, but also have the added bonus of being an important life skill to teach your children.
1. Be present
Often when we spend time with our children we are thinking about the things that we should be doing or we multi task and we are not really present with them. Then, when we are not with them, we feel guilty. Make the decision that when you spend time with your child to just be there for them, enjoy them, listen to them, and focus on them 100%. Spending this type of quality time with your child will lessen the guilt and help you focus on other activities with the same 100% attention.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to focus on and enjoy the moment.
2. Take care of yourself
This is a big one for most women since we get so busy caring for others we tend to forget about ourselves. Define what taking care of yourself means to you and develop a schedule to do it. Keep tweaking your schedule until you are actually fitting taking care of yourself into the day. Taking care of yourself helps to replenish your spirit, it helps you to relax, and it helps you to feel good about yourself.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to develop healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
3. Connect with you partner
It is so easy to get wrapped up in the kids and in everyday life that you forget about your relationship with your partner. Connect with your partner as often as you can, make a point to sit down over coffee on a Sunday morning and just talk about anything and everything, but the kids. It can be silly or profound, just make sure you connect with each other as a couple.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to maintain a healthy relationship.
4. Get involved
Get involved in some activity that is only for you. It can be work, volunteering, a class, or a book club. Just get involved in some regular activity where you are not a wife or a mommy, you are just you.
Added Bonus: Encourages your child to participate in outside activities.
5. Have meaningful conversations
Sometimes when you have children your day gets so caught up with “kid stuff” that you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful adult conversation. Have you ever felt frustrated, aggravated and on edge and then gone out to a long dinner with a friend and felt like a new woman at the end of the night? That is why it is important to have meaningful conversations.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to get their needs met by more than one person.
6. Read
Who has time to read? We all do. It doesn’t have to be a long time, and reading is a great way to be intellectually stimulated. It exposes us to different subjects and new ideas, even when it is a light and fluffy read. Staying intellectually stimulated is important because it keeps us in touch with what we find exciting and gets those brain cells snapping.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to seek out and appreciate knowledge.
7. Take time for just you
Make sure you get some quality time just for you. It can be anything you want from spending time with a friend, to getting a manicure, or just being by yourself. Just do something that is only for you, it will fill you up and refresh you. You will feel like a new woman after you are done.
Added Bonus: Encourages your child to be independent.
8. Remember that you have needs too
We have needs, and it is our responsibility to get them met. If you’re feeling frustrated, or unappreciated, instead of walking around feeling angry and misunderstood, figure out a way to get those needs met. Talk about them, ask for support, and be specific. And remember most people can’t read minds so you have to communicate with them to get those needs met.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to effectively meet their own needs.
9. Give yourself permission
Why do we feel like bad mothers for wanting to do something for ourselves? Every woman wants to express an unhappiness about being a mother feels the need to qualify it by saying “Well, of course I love my child more than anything in the world but…”. Of course you do, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be unhappy about the way something is going or how you feel. This is how you feel right now, there is nothing wrong with that, you’re a normal mother. Give yourself permission to feel the way you do and do something for yourself to feel better. Even if that means stepping back from your child for a couple of hours.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to recognize and healthily deal with their emotions.
10. Be a role model
When you ask most parents what they want most for their children they say that they want them to be happy and successful contributing adults. The very best way to ensure that comes true for your child is to be a role model. If you want your child to be confident, get their needs met, be sure of who they are, and happy with their life, just remember that they learn that from you.
Added Bonus: Teaches your child to act with integrity.
Being a mother in today’s modern world is tricky business. We are bombarded all day long with messages of what makes a “good mother”. Just forget all that, and be true to you. Being joyful, present, and authentically you is the very best gift you can give to yourself and your child.
Tell Stories
Effective Parents Tell Stories
How do you feel when your boss lectures you about something that you did or suggested and ends his talk with, "I own this company, I've been in this business longer than you, and I sign your paycheck. I don't care how good of an idea you think you have to just do what I say and keep your ideas to yourself!"? I'm sure you don't feel too good, you are not motivated from such talk and it doesn't build in you a sense of loyalty to the company.
If this is true for you, an adult who is supposed to have some control over your emotions, just imagine how ineffective such lectures are to transmit your values and to convince children of your views.
How then, you might ask, can you fulfill your parental obligation to pass on your values, life's lessons that you learnt the hard way, and prepare them for life without lecturing them? The answer is to tell stories and personal anecdotes that show the values that you feel are important for your children to learn. Story telling is the most pleasant, gentle, and effective way to get your message across. Here a few tips on story telling.
* Wait for a time when a few of the older children are just sitting around listening to music, doing homework, or noshing (especially chocolate).
* Lean on a wall in the living room (to be as informal as possible) and say, "Do you want to hear what happened to me today?" (Don't wait for an answer) or "I heard the most unbelievable story today..."
* Never start by saying, "I heard this story about honesty today." I'm afraid if you would start like that they would shut off their ears thinking, "Oh no. Here comes another "goodie-goodie" lecture." Just give a general introduction and jump right into the story.
* And obviously, don't end off with a statement like, "and therefore I expect you ....". Just say, "I was so impressed with his courage or his honesty. I don't know how he did it but I wish I would be so strong."
Try it and you'll know that you are successful when, at a later time (sometimes even years later), your children live with those values and even quote you the stories that you told them.
How do you feel when your boss lectures you about something that you did or suggested and ends his talk with, "I own this company, I've been in this business longer than you, and I sign your paycheck. I don't care how good of an idea you think you have to just do what I say and keep your ideas to yourself!"? I'm sure you don't feel too good, you are not motivated from such talk and it doesn't build in you a sense of loyalty to the company.
If this is true for you, an adult who is supposed to have some control over your emotions, just imagine how ineffective such lectures are to transmit your values and to convince children of your views.
How then, you might ask, can you fulfill your parental obligation to pass on your values, life's lessons that you learnt the hard way, and prepare them for life without lecturing them? The answer is to tell stories and personal anecdotes that show the values that you feel are important for your children to learn. Story telling is the most pleasant, gentle, and effective way to get your message across. Here a few tips on story telling.
* Wait for a time when a few of the older children are just sitting around listening to music, doing homework, or noshing (especially chocolate).
* Lean on a wall in the living room (to be as informal as possible) and say, "Do you want to hear what happened to me today?" (Don't wait for an answer) or "I heard the most unbelievable story today..."
* Never start by saying, "I heard this story about honesty today." I'm afraid if you would start like that they would shut off their ears thinking, "Oh no. Here comes another "goodie-goodie" lecture." Just give a general introduction and jump right into the story.
* And obviously, don't end off with a statement like, "and therefore I expect you ....". Just say, "I was so impressed with his courage or his honesty. I don't know how he did it but I wish I would be so strong."
Try it and you'll know that you are successful when, at a later time (sometimes even years later), your children live with those values and even quote you the stories that you told them.
Educational Toys
Educational Toys: Making Kids Smart By Having Fun
Kids are like sponges. They absorb. But the similarity ends there. While sponges absorb, they shrink and disintegrate before long. Kids, on the other hand, soak up day to day experiences and when the right mindsets are instilled, they continually thrive. That’s why it’s important for parents like you to carefully select the toys they play with. Associating fun and play with learning is a fundamental aspect of every child’s growth. And one of the best ways to make this happen is through educational toys.
It All Starts at Home
The home front is crucial to a child’s development. This is where curiosity is first explored. This is where a child learns about colors, shapes, and sounds, what Yes and No mean, and that asking “why” can almost always generate an explanation. The first lessons brought about by childhood generally come from the people around the household. That’s why all activities of your kid should be carefully selected. The right books, appropriate TV programs, and educational toys can supplement and enhance your child’s learning process, making the early stages of learning easier and enjoyable.
Lessons of Playtime
Playing is every child’s first priority. Playtime may only seem to provide pure entertainment, but it is also an integral part of your child’s mental and emotional growth. While it’s good to provide children opportunities for skill formation, such as music or art classes, it’s also ideal to give them ample time to play. Doing so, would provide the following benefits:
- Personality development
- Awareness of their potentials
- Promote independent thinking
- An avenue for creative thinking and problem solving
- Improvement their motor skills
- Enhance their ability to think and communicate
- Value-formation
Guidance is essential to bring out the best in children. But it doesn’t mean that you should totally organize the whole experience for your child. The important thing is to provide supervision and the appropriate tools for play and let your child take it from there.
Toys that Fit
Giving your child high-quality educational toys will liven up and enhance the process of sensory and learning development. The right toys for the right age needs to be considered too. A rattle wouldn’t capture the interest a five-year-old kid. Here’s a quick guide on what educational toys children may enjoy at a certain age:
Infants – The keywords are soft, safe, and colorful. Vividly colored rattles and squeaky toys will stimulate their sense of touch, sight, and hearing. 1 to 2 years – This is a stage where children start learning how to maneuver the things in their hands. They are also beginning to discover that some things are paired together. Toddlers will enjoy building blocks and toys that will allow them to identify and match shapes.
2 to 3 years – Children are beginning to get more creative at this age. They like role playing with other kids or by themselves. Puzzles, Play Cubes, and educational toys that stir their imagination are the best options. 4 to 5 years – Kids are into creative thinking and decision-making by this age. Educational toys that can help enhance these developments include puzzle games and constructions toys.
As children grow older, they become more independent in their choices of what toys to play with. They usually forego free play for games that involve rules and friends. They learn to be competitive. This is the time where parents’ guidance is most crucial. But if you’ve established the foundation by providing your child with educational toys early on, then you may have a child who’s well-developed emotionally and smart to boot.
Kids are like sponges. They absorb. But the similarity ends there. While sponges absorb, they shrink and disintegrate before long. Kids, on the other hand, soak up day to day experiences and when the right mindsets are instilled, they continually thrive. That’s why it’s important for parents like you to carefully select the toys they play with. Associating fun and play with learning is a fundamental aspect of every child’s growth. And one of the best ways to make this happen is through educational toys.
It All Starts at Home
The home front is crucial to a child’s development. This is where curiosity is first explored. This is where a child learns about colors, shapes, and sounds, what Yes and No mean, and that asking “why” can almost always generate an explanation. The first lessons brought about by childhood generally come from the people around the household. That’s why all activities of your kid should be carefully selected. The right books, appropriate TV programs, and educational toys can supplement and enhance your child’s learning process, making the early stages of learning easier and enjoyable.
Lessons of Playtime
Playing is every child’s first priority. Playtime may only seem to provide pure entertainment, but it is also an integral part of your child’s mental and emotional growth. While it’s good to provide children opportunities for skill formation, such as music or art classes, it’s also ideal to give them ample time to play. Doing so, would provide the following benefits:
- Personality development
- Awareness of their potentials
- Promote independent thinking
- An avenue for creative thinking and problem solving
- Improvement their motor skills
- Enhance their ability to think and communicate
- Value-formation
Guidance is essential to bring out the best in children. But it doesn’t mean that you should totally organize the whole experience for your child. The important thing is to provide supervision and the appropriate tools for play and let your child take it from there.
Toys that Fit
Giving your child high-quality educational toys will liven up and enhance the process of sensory and learning development. The right toys for the right age needs to be considered too. A rattle wouldn’t capture the interest a five-year-old kid. Here’s a quick guide on what educational toys children may enjoy at a certain age:
Infants – The keywords are soft, safe, and colorful. Vividly colored rattles and squeaky toys will stimulate their sense of touch, sight, and hearing. 1 to 2 years – This is a stage where children start learning how to maneuver the things in their hands. They are also beginning to discover that some things are paired together. Toddlers will enjoy building blocks and toys that will allow them to identify and match shapes.
2 to 3 years – Children are beginning to get more creative at this age. They like role playing with other kids or by themselves. Puzzles, Play Cubes, and educational toys that stir their imagination are the best options. 4 to 5 years – Kids are into creative thinking and decision-making by this age. Educational toys that can help enhance these developments include puzzle games and constructions toys.
As children grow older, they become more independent in their choices of what toys to play with. They usually forego free play for games that involve rules and friends. They learn to be competitive. This is the time where parents’ guidance is most crucial. But if you’ve established the foundation by providing your child with educational toys early on, then you may have a child who’s well-developed emotionally and smart to boot.
Kids Safe At Home
Keeping Your Kids Safe At Home
If you are like me (and thousands of other people) we all have dangerous household cleaners in our home. In fact, kids, and even teens, are at risk with these dangerous cleaners in our home.
Cleaning the kitchen can be hard work. Most people have a variety of household cleaners under the sink for each cleaning problem. To get things clean it takes a lot of muscle and ‘elbow grease’ to get the job done. Unfortunately, the harder you work, the more you breathe in dangerous fumes.
Problem: Keep Out Of Reach Of Children
Have you read the precautions and warnings on the back of those cleaners under your sink? STOP --- go to your kitchen right now and grab one of your household cleaners. Read the back of the product. Pretty scary stuff.
I have glanced at many of these warnings and precautions on the back of the household cleaners, and until recently - I continued using these cleaners. Many of these cleaners suggest using the products with adequate ventilation. I do not know the size of your bathroom, but most bathrooms are tiny with poor ventilation. Your eyes burn and you try to hold your breath. You try to clean the bathroom quickly so you don’t breathe in too many of the fumes.
Keeping your child safe even in the Vehicle
One of the main important tips someone can receive is that you should always make sure that your child is safe in everything that you and they do. This is especially true in a vehicle. You want to make sure that you child is properly buckled in your vehicle and that you are suing the correct safety seat for them. This is true no matter what their age is. You are even going to want to make sure that you are not going to leave them in the vehicle for any amount of time by themselves. No matter how you were to look at it they are not going to be safe for even the shortest amount of time. It may be too hot in the vehicle for the child or it could be too cold for them. Plus you may have you vehicle stolen from where you have left it with your child in it.
You are also going to make sure that your child is going to be safe when they are at the babysitters. The best thing that you can do to make sure that they are safe at the sitters is to do a background check and even a reference check as well. One other thing that you are able to do is to check out the different items that are in the babysitters premises is going to be safe for your child too.There are many different parenting tips you are able to receive but you really need to make sure that your children are going to be safe no matter where they are and what they are going to be doing for the day. Because you are not going to be able to replace your child no matter how hard you try. You child is a gift to you and your family so take good care of them with all of your decisions you make because that would be the best parenting tip that you are ever going to receive from anyone.
If you are like me (and thousands of other people) we all have dangerous household cleaners in our home. In fact, kids, and even teens, are at risk with these dangerous cleaners in our home.
Cleaning the kitchen can be hard work. Most people have a variety of household cleaners under the sink for each cleaning problem. To get things clean it takes a lot of muscle and ‘elbow grease’ to get the job done. Unfortunately, the harder you work, the more you breathe in dangerous fumes.
Problem: Keep Out Of Reach Of Children
Have you read the precautions and warnings on the back of those cleaners under your sink? STOP --- go to your kitchen right now and grab one of your household cleaners. Read the back of the product. Pretty scary stuff.
I have glanced at many of these warnings and precautions on the back of the household cleaners, and until recently - I continued using these cleaners. Many of these cleaners suggest using the products with adequate ventilation. I do not know the size of your bathroom, but most bathrooms are tiny with poor ventilation. Your eyes burn and you try to hold your breath. You try to clean the bathroom quickly so you don’t breathe in too many of the fumes.
Keeping your child safe even in the Vehicle
One of the main important tips someone can receive is that you should always make sure that your child is safe in everything that you and they do. This is especially true in a vehicle. You want to make sure that you child is properly buckled in your vehicle and that you are suing the correct safety seat for them. This is true no matter what their age is. You are even going to want to make sure that you are not going to leave them in the vehicle for any amount of time by themselves. No matter how you were to look at it they are not going to be safe for even the shortest amount of time. It may be too hot in the vehicle for the child or it could be too cold for them. Plus you may have you vehicle stolen from where you have left it with your child in it.
You are also going to make sure that your child is going to be safe when they are at the babysitters. The best thing that you can do to make sure that they are safe at the sitters is to do a background check and even a reference check as well. One other thing that you are able to do is to check out the different items that are in the babysitters premises is going to be safe for your child too.There are many different parenting tips you are able to receive but you really need to make sure that your children are going to be safe no matter where they are and what they are going to be doing for the day. Because you are not going to be able to replace your child no matter how hard you try. You child is a gift to you and your family so take good care of them with all of your decisions you make because that would be the best parenting tip that you are ever going to receive from anyone.
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